Untitled 14

Eventually, everything is going to be alright.
So, seize the day.

Untitled 13

You know you shouldn't do it.
Yet, you still do it.
In fact, you are doing it.
And you will do it again.
No matter how wrong it is.
You still do it.
And you will do it, again.
Over and over again.
And again.

Live and Appreciate

Not too early. Not too late.

Just nice, I guess.

Jangan menangis. Aku masih di sini...

Untitled 12

Invisible Kisses
by Lemn Sissay

If there was ever one
Whom when you were sleeping
Would wipe your tears
When in dreams you were weeping;
Who would offer you time
When others demand;
Whose love lay more infinite
Than grains of sand.

If there was ever one
To whom you could cry;
Who would gather each tear
And blow it dry;
Who would offer help
On the mountains of time;
Who would stop to let each sunset
Soothe the jaded mind.

If there was ever one
To whom when you run
Will push back the clouds
So you are bathed in sun;
Who would open arms
If you would fall;
Who would show you everything
If you lost it all.

If there was ever one
Who when you achieve
Was there before the dreams
And even then believed;
Who would clear the air
When it's full of loss;
Who would count love
Before the cost.

If there was ever one
Who when you are cold
Will summon warm air
For your hands to hold;
Who would make peace
In pouring pain,
Make laughter fall
In falling rain.

If there was ever one
Who can offer you this and more;
Who in keyless rooms
Can open doors;
Who in open doors
Can see open fields
And in open fields
See harvests yield.

Then see only my face
In the reflection of these tides
Through the clear water
Beyond the river side.
All I can send is love
In all that this is
A poem and a necklace
Of invisible kisses.

!!!!!

Situasi 1

Situasi: Sekitar pukul 5 pagi. Stesen bas. Di sebuah negeri di semenanjung Malaysia.

Aku memandang jam sambil mengunyah gula-gula getah. Manis. Sebab aku kunyah dua sekaligus. Dan sudah hampir pukul 5 pagi. Hmm..sejuk. Walaupun takde angin tapi agak dingin pagi tu. Nasib baik aku ada sweater. Takde la menggigil. Aku tengok orang lain kat situ pun pakai sweater atau jaket.

Hmm bosannye. Sorang-sorang camni. Aku pasang lagu. Nak hilangkan bosan menunggu. Lagi setengah jam sampai la kot. Aku berkira-kira sendirian. Selalunya bas takde la lewat sangat sampai kat stesen. Sambil duduk dengar lagu tu aku tengok-tengok sekeliling. Takde la gelap sangat. Lampu-lampu jalan ada je. Tak jauh dari tempat aku duduk ni ada la beberapa orang. Tunggu bas jugak agaknya. Ada 3 orang. 2 lelaki dan sorang perempuan. Sorang lelaki tu tengah bercakap kat phone. Dari tadi aku tengok dia duk asyik bercakap kat phone je. Sesekali ternampak dia gelak-gelak kecil. Aku tak dengar dia cakap apa sebab dia duduk jauh sikit dari tempat aku. Hmm, bersembang dengan makwe agaknya. Haha. Ataupun dengan bini dia kot. Takpe lah, aku tak kisah pun.

Sorang lagi lelaki asyik dengar lagu. Macam aku jugak. Nampak dia lagi tua dari aku. Dalam 26-27 tahun. Aku rasa la. Dari riak wajah ngan air muka dia. Haha. Pandai-pandai je aku ni main teka umur orang. Tapi siyesly takde keje nak buat sangat masa tu. Bosan la. Tak nampak pulak 7 Eleven kat situ. Kalau ada boleh pegi beli Vanilla Coke ke..Pepsi Twist ke..Haha my favourite tu. Tapi satu kedai pun tak nampak bukak. Kalau tak boleh beli majalah ke..Dapat la jugak baca-baca nak hilangkan bosan menunggu ni.

Hmm, sorang lagi kat situ ialah seorang akak ni. Looks older than me jugak. In mid 20s. So aku rasa aku la paling muda kat situ kot. Atau aku ni yang suka perasan diri tu muda? Haha. Akak ni pulak khusyuk baca something. Majalah rasanya. Majalah apa tak pasti la pulak. Tapi nampak cam best je.

"Hai kak..Emm..Akak ni cun la..Boleh tak saya nak pinjam majalah akak lepas ni..? Saya bosan la kak..Boleh yer..Pleaseee..Hehe.."

"Ijat! Ngada ahh.."

Akak tu bersuara separuh jerit. Walaupun perlahan je tapi cukup kuat untuk membuatkan 2 orang lelaki tadi terdengar dan berpaling.

Saat tu jugak gula-gula getah yang aku kunyah dari tadi terasa tawar..Tawar dan semakin tawar..
dan jadi amat pahit sekali..

.................

.................

.................

Lantas aku pun bangun, buang gula-gula getah tu ke dalam longkang kat situ.
Aku pandang akak tadi tu.
Dia pandang aku jugak.
Sambil tersenyum.

Untuk Kamu Yang Jauh

Kamu mungkin tidak begitu mengerti
kerna kamu masih di situ
apakah sungguh kamu masih di situ?
apakah benar?
kerna kurasa kamu sudah jauh
terlalu jauh meninggalkanku
tapi aku masih mengejarmu, mencarimu
walaupun kepenatan
walaupun tercungap dalam lelah
rebah seorang di pesisir kehidupan
namun ku bangkit kembali
terus-terusan menipu hati
kerna ku tahu satu hari nanti
kamu akan terus hilang dari pandanganku
jauh dari diriku

Walau sederas mana ku berlari
mengejarmu, memanggilmu
kau tidak akan berpaling lagi
kau tidak akan berhenti
kerna kau tidak mengerti
kau tidak memahami
apa yang tersimpan di hati ini

Ketahuilah
aku sudah tidak mampu lagi
untuk terus mengekorimu
dan mengejarmu
kerna langkahmu begitu pantas
derapanmu begitu deras
semakin menjauh, menghilang
meninggalkanku keseorangan
bersemadi bersama sepi
dan rindu yang abadi.



p/s:
Sebenarnya dah lama buat benda ni tapi tak siap-siap. Beberapa bulan yang lepas dah. Sekarang baru siap. Dah lama terperap, rasa nak pos kat blog la;)

:(

"I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry..."

Untitled 11

Salam..

Hmm, lama dah tak baca novel. Tiba-tiba semalam ter baca la pulak. Baca punya baca, hmm best la jugak baca novel ni. Takleh nak stop pulak tu. Hehe. Tapi baca online je la. Mana nak dapat novel Melayu kat sini. Kali terakhir baca novel camni..emm masa Tingkatan 4 kalau tak silap..Pastu tak baca dah novel-novel camtu. Sampai la semalam..Hmm, dah 6 tahun rupanya tak baca novel Melayu bergenre camni. Sesekali melayan novel ni best jugak..Pandai orang yang buat novel ni..Boleh tulis panjang-panjang..Ada je ideanya. Rasa macam kisah real pun ada jugak. Best!

Tapi, selepas beberapa ketika..

.........................

.........................

.........................

.........................

Ugh!
Aku dah agak dah..
Aku dah agak dah benda ni..
Cesss..
Lagi 2 chapter nak habis boleh pulak dia buat tergantung camtu..
Nak suruh aku beli novel dia la niii..
Eeeee..
Gerammmm...
Mana aku nak cari ending novel nii..??
Aaaa tidakkk..
Aku tertipuuu..
Aaaaaaa........#@*%$#!

Untitled 10

Awak mahu 3..Saya bagi 5..
Awak nak 8..Saya bagi 18..
Awak suka 99..Saya bagi 199..
Awak nak 2..Saya bagi 212..
Awak mahu 45..Tapi saya bagi 98..

Hmm..Konklusinya, saya tak faham apa yang awak nak..Atau saya buat-buat tak faham? Tapi takpe, saya selalu bagi lebih kan? So, ambik la. Lebih pun takpe. Awak simpan yer. Jangan buang merata-rata. Simpan je.

Untitled 9

Jat, take care of yourself pleaseee..
Pleaseee, for me...

Petang Itu

Aku pejamkan mata
mengingatkan kembali saat itu
waktu indah yang sayu
aku masih di situ
merenung, mengelamun jauh
terlalu jauh
hingga mataku berkaca
kesedihan dan kesayuan hati ini kubiarkan menguasai
di petang indah yang suram itu
sesuram harapanku yang masih bersisa
kubiarkan masa berlalu
kubiarkan semuanya menerpa ke dalam fikiranku
kerna aku tidak punya apa-apa yang indah lagi
hanya memori-memori palsu
yang ku tanam di dalam diriku

Datanglah wahai kamu
datanglah kepada diriku
aku terlalu merinduimu
dan aku akan terus begini
setia menanti kehadiranmu.

......................

Aku bukakan mataku.
Masih berkaca.
Aku menghela nafas. Terasa sebak di dada.
Terasa sesuatu menyekat di kerongkongku.
Aku menyandar di kerusi dan terus memandang ke arah ruang itu.
Ruang memori yang membangkitkan rasa-rasa kehidupan.
Sayu. Sedih. Pilu.
Aku tersenyum pahit.
Petang itu aku tinggalkan dengan seribu rasa di hati.

Untitled 8

Aku tunggukan hari itu untuk suatu keajaiban berlaku..

Seperti pungguk merindukan bulan..

Tapi adakah pungguk boleh mendapatkan bulan yang dirinduinya itu..?

Thank you very much for the wishes. So sweet;)

MH is for Malaysian Hospitality

Salam..

Akhirnya, sampai pun kat Malaysia. Setelah penerbangan pada masa yang sepatutnya telah ditunda. Bukan sekejap pulak tu kena tunda. Hampir 17 jam. Sangat tak best. Sehari dah abis camtu je. Totally pure bad luck. Well, dah masuk dalam kapal terbang dah pun masa tu. Dah excited nak terbang pulang. Pastu tiba-tiba kapten buat pengumuman yang this flight has been cancelled. Pastu dia cakap lagi apa ntah..pastu see you tomorrow. Oh, what is this man? How come? Apakah semua ini? Dah la boarding setengah jam lewat. Something was wrong somewhere definitely. And they didn't tell us the reason behind this delay thing.

Maka terkandas la kat Bangalore. Nasib baik diorang sediakan hotel. So pergi la naik bas diorang sediakan untuk ke hotel. Tapi bas pulak buat hal dalam perjalanan tu. Banyak kali gak berhenti. Bila la nak sampai hotel ni wei. Penumpang lain dah bising2. Dah la masa tu pukul 4 pagi. Penat, ngantuk, kecewa, sakit hati, sedih semua ada la. Memang nasib tak baik.

Dipendekkan cerita, flight ke Malaysia kul 4.30 petang hari tu jugak. Hmm takpe la. Asalkan ada jugak flight hari tu. Nak balikkk. Dah beli tiket mahal2 ni. What about others? Yang ada connecting flight sure tak dapat diselamatkan la. Habis terlepas camtu je la flight diorang. Delay lamaaa sangat. Seriously lama. Pastu kat airport memang kecoh la hari tu. Diorang nak tahu camne status connecting flight diorang. Siap buat bising pastu jerit2 lagi. Polis pun masuk la dalam airport ramai2 takut apa2 teruk jadi ke. Havoc gile masa tu. Orang lain kat airport dah ramai pandang2 ni. Apasal la kaunter MAS kecoh sangat hari ni. Haha. Well sapa tak panas kan bila jadi camni. Orang cool pun boleh mendidih beb.

.......................

Imej dan reputasimu tercalar teruk di Bangalore pada hari itu.
Teruk.
Sangat teruk.
Oh Malaysia Airlines...

I Just Don't Know

"Come and take my heart..Carve a pendant out of it..And see what you can get from it.."

Going Back. Again.

I am going back..

Don't ask me why. I just want to go back. Again.
Yerp. Again.

Tak sampai sebulan datang dah nak balik..Haha..Sakit rumah kah..?

No la. Not that. I just don't know.

People, you will miss me.
No, not you.
Not you either.
.......
.......
.......
YOU.
Yes, YOU.
Got it..?
.......
.......
.......
Uhuh, nevermind..@.@

Untitled 7

I've been blogging since late 2008.

And I never knew how to change font type and size and some other things.

Till last month when I accidentally figured out the 'Compose' option to the right of 'Edit Html'.

But then it makes no difference to me. At least for now.

Pengemis

Mahukah kamu berkongsi denganku
sedikit manisan yang masih berbaki itu?
aku tahu kamu memerlukannya
begitu juga denganku
tapi aku tahu dan sedar siapa diriku
aku tidaklah segah dirimu
aku bukanlah setanding denganmu
aku hanyalah gelandangan hina
yang selalu bertemankan sepi
yang tidak layak kau kasihani
kerna aku tidak punya apa-apa lagi
hanya keinginan yang meninggi
meliputi seluruh tubuhku ini

Aku berjanji akan pergi
aku berjanji tak akan kembali
kiranya kamu bersimpati dan berkongsi
manisan kehidupan yang harum mewangi itu
kerna hanya itu yang aku cari
dan hanya itu yang aku pasti
yang akan membawaku pulang ke dunia realiti
setelah berabad lama bermimpi di fantasi
tapi masih mahukah kamu berkongsi denganku
sedikit manisan yang masih berbaki itu?

Untitled 6

"To wait for months is patience. To wait for years is devotion. In some ways, it's a painful experience, but in the end, if you can master that mix of patience and devotion, then you will have found the ultimate kind of love, that not everyone gets to feel."

Unexpected

Salam.

Asyik bermimpi benda yang sama. Walaupun cerita di dalam mimpi tu berbeza, tapi intisarinya masih sama. It leads to one thing. Just different storylines. Keep on dreaming the same thing for about two months already I guess. Hmmm...

Apa yang pasti, dah dapat pun salah satu dari mimpi-mimpi tu. Dah jadi realiti. And yes. I was so speechless and didn't know how to react upon that. Soo unexpected.
By the way, thank you very much for becoming part of my dreams and also for making it became real. Can I have more of my dreams become real..? Pretty pleaseee...Hehehe

Oh, thank you again. Really appreciate that. =)

..........

Emm kena tulis gak something. Kata nak rehat tapi..emm tak jadi laa.
So yeah. Memang kejap sungguh. 3 hari je. Haha.

100th

I will surely miss those bittersweet moments of us there.
See you again. All of you.
I'll come back someday.
So, till we meet again.
Thank you.
Bye~

Rapuh

Ranting kering yang mati
begitu rapuh sekali
tidak meliuk ditiup angin
tidak melintuk disinggah lagi
hanya kaku, kelu
juga tidak punya kuasa
untuk menahan amukan
si musafir dari langit-Nya

Dulu, ranting itu sungguh gagah berani
melawan kerenah garuda berjoli
menahan sialan rajawali berkelahi
menadah panahan fitnah halilintar
sungguh berkuasa menanggung segala raja
usahlah dibicara tentang si anak kecil
yang sekadar melawat sepi

Kini, semuanya hanya cerita basi
sekadar bualan si penyinggah setia
menjadi ingatan manis pada musafir azali
ranting kering itu hanya menunggu nasib
detik kehancuran abadi
untuk patah, jatuh
dan berkecai ditelan tanah
angkara penyinggah baru yang lalai.

Untitled 5

Ok siyes rasa menyesal sekarang sebab tak pergi naik bukit hari tu. Tengok balik gambar-gambar masa bulan 3, hmm rasa rugi sungguh balik cuti baru ni tak pergi. Haish..Bila benda dah ada depan mata ngan senang dicapai selalu je tak nak buat kan..Tapi bila semua tu dah takde, baru la nak menyesal pastu layan perasaan sorang-sorang..Aduii..

Tapi takpe la, sekurang-kurangnye dah buat sesuatu yang sangat puas hati masa cuti baru ni. Setelah 10 tahun menunggu akhirnyaaa..Dapat gak..Walaupun masa cuti dah nak abis..Sekejap pun takpe..Nak lama-lama of course la tak dapat..Hmm sabar menunggu je la nak tunggu the next time tu..Sape suruh tak pergi baru ni kan..? Sekarang tanggung la akibatnya..Haha.. =)

Kad Raya 2010

Oh, post ni dah lama patutnya dibuat. Masa mood Raya still in the air lagi. Ni Syawal pun dah habis. Tapi takpe ah. Nak tulis jugak. Hmm, tahun ni dapat kad raya. Setelah bertahun-tahun tak dapat. Tahun ni dapat satu. Satu pun takpe. Sebab ia sungguh bermakna. Siyesly. Dah orang ngada mintak kan, sure ah dapatnye. Hehe. Terima kasih. Sangat-sangat. (Mood terharu..tak dapat tulis lagi..)



p/s: Tahun depan nak lagi leh tak? Hehe =)

Lovely Garden Play

Nothing to hide anymore.
Nothing to lie anymore.
Everything is so damn clear.
So damn transparent.
I can see and feel almost everything.
Everything that I've been wondering before.

So good to have those lovely thorns,
ripping my cold hands whenever I touched them.

It's not easy. It will never be.
But somehow I have to face it.
I have to go through this garden.
Find the way to exit?
Nope. Never. Still want to play in it.
Still want to breathe those freshness.
Still want to see those beauties.
Those honey-sweet moments.

Yes, I am all covered with mud and dirts.
Gifts from the garden. Falling too many times.
And traces of thorny roses on my shirts.
Tearing off everything in their ways.
Bleeding and smiling seeing those wounds.
Collecting memorable scars. As souvenirs.

But still. I am here. Still want to play.
Still want to taste everything.
Maybe one day I will return home.
When I get tired.
Maybe.

All I Need - Radiohead

I'm the next act
Waiting in the wings

I'm an animal
Trapped in your hot car

I am all the days
That you choose to ignore

You are all I need
You are all I need
I'm in the middle of your picture
Lying in the reeds

I'm a moth
Who just wants to share your light

I'm just an insect
Trying to get out of the night

I only stick with you
Because there are no others

You are all I need
You're all I need
I'm in the middle of your picture
Lying in the reeds

It's all wrong, It's all right
It's all wrong, It's all right
It's all wrong, It's all right
It's all wrong, It's all right
It's all, It's all

Untitled 4

Hmm entah camne la boleh pulak sekarang ni tersuka kat ada beberapa lagu yang tak berapa nak sesuai ngan peringkat umur saya ni. Haha. Takpe ah, layan je laaaa. Dah rasa lagu tu sedap kan nak wat camne..

Kalau orang tahu malu seiii. Sape-sape yang tahu tu.. Shhhh..Senyap-senyap je tau..Hehe =)

Nevada 1.0

Emm..Haiii awakkk..
Baru je kenal 4 hari kan..
Tapi setakat tu je la..
Saya kena tinggalkan awak dah..
Cuti saya dah nak habis..
Huhu..Sedihnye..
Baru je kenal-kenal kan..
Tapi takpe la..
Sempat jugak kita pergi date 4 hari tu ye..
Tepi pantai waktu petang..
Orang lain sure jeles ngan saya..
Sebab saya ada awak..
Lain kali saya bawak awak kat tempat baru pulak yer..
Kawasan tanah tinggi ke..
Awak mesti suka..
Hmm, tapi awak..
Saya balik lambat lagi nanti..
5 bulan lagi..
Awak tunggu saya yer..
Nanti saya balik la tu..
Saya pun rindu kat awak tau..
Nasib baik ada gambar awak..
Dapat jugak tengok malam-malam sebelum tidur..
So ok la awak, nanti ye kita jumpa lagi..
Bye awak..My beloved mtb..

There's No Real Reason

"Amat menyedihkan apabila ia berakhir. Tetapi, kita semua tahu bahawa benda yang kita sayang pasti juga akan meninggalkan kita."
-J.K. Rowling

Gone

I think that I've just lost thousands of captured memories.
Digital photos to be exact.
I don't know whether they can still be recovered or not.
I can't access any folder and document.
Viruses and worms have infected my external drive. ****!
Why the heck my antivirus didn't detect them earlier?
Ahh, I really hate this kind of thing.
Ughhh..Thousands of photos, hundreds of movies---->GONE!

My bad. My fault. Purely mine. Blame me. Mea maxima culpa.
No backups were made before.
PADAN MUKA. BALASAN.
This is it.
T_T

Quiet Sounds

Quiet
It's quiet
But I can hear something
Yes, something
Definitely some sounds
Some weird unknown sounds
Keep on rushing
Filling the atmosphere
I search for it
I look for it
Everywhere
I don't know
No idea
Where does it come from
I couldn't find it
Just couldn't
But wait
I guess I know
I guess I know where it is
Where it originates from

It is in my head
It is in my head
My breaking aching head.

Damn those songs make my heart deeply drenched in emotions.
Phantomly sweet. Unseen.

Garden Of Summer

*Phantasms vanish. Skyline surfaces itself*

Now it becomes clear
As clear as an azure sky
Of the deepest summer
The heavy clouds are gone

So sweet the honey
So beautiful the roses
Alluring, enticing scents
Attracting nature lovers
Mesmerizing, hypnotizing
Trapping their wandering minds
In bushes of lovely thorns
In everlasting fantasies

Being one of those nature lovers
The fantasies are warm, heartfelt
So much alive
So very real
So genuine in existence.

*Horizon fades away. Misty apparitions take place*

Hmm...

Hari ni last day practical exam. Next week, exam teori pulak. Pastu balik kampung. Yeay!!! Camne pun kena settle kan exam dulu. Hmm, disebabkan exam jugak la time orientation dah lost dengan teruknya minggu ni. Sleep cycle yang tidak menentu. Nak kena set balik ni biological clock. Haha.

Oh ye, esok rakyat Malaysia yang beragama Islam dan kebanyakan umat Islam diseluruh dunia ni akan menyambut 1 Syawal. India belum lagi. Lewat sehari. Bangun pagi tadi terfikir esok dah nak Raya kat Malaysia tapi kenapa aku ada kat sini lagi? Bukan ke aku patut ada kat rumah kat kampungku yang tercinta time2 camni? What am I doing here? Hahaha. What a thought. Sabar2. Minggu depan balik dah. Jap je lagi. Haha. Pujuk diri sendiri. Tapi takpe, I'm not alone here. Ramai yang senasib. Let us celebrate this Raya here together, in our own way. Well, takde la Raya mana pun. Raya ngan buku2 je. Nanti balik Malaysia kita Raya sekali lagi. Hehe=)

Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir dan Batin

What A Night It Was

It was a starry night.
Not so cold.
The climate was calm and easy.
Salty breeze permeating the air. Everywhere.
I was there.
Driving in a car.
Going somewhere.
Wandering the long silent roads.
It was easy.
Never felt like this before.
Nowhere to go.
Just followed the heart.

The moon was there. Shining crescent.
The reflection at the sea was beautiful.
The night waves. Caressing the beach gently.
From distant, the casuarinas were in silhouttes.
Soothing and tranquilizing fusion.
Perfectly-blended atmosphere.

The road was empty.
I stopped the car.
The lighthouse was far away.
Standing true, guiding sails.
I looked at the horizon.
Shimmering. Lovely reflections.
It was a quiet night.
Where people started to dream.

And I was there.
Lying on the roof of the car.
Nothing much to think.
Nothing much to do.
Gazing the stars.
Letting myself lost among them.
What a gratifying sight. A rare moment.
What a night it was.

Ughhh... T_T

I wish I could dream better.
Be better in dreams at least. If not in reality.

But it seems that I was not good in dreaming too.
I got bad dreams. Always.
Getting more and more these days.
I don't know why. Such a troubled young mind.

Last night I had seven dreams.
Too many I guess. In a single sleep.
Only remember a few. Forgot the rest.

Some of us had better dreams.
I wish I could have the same too.

(Somebody please lend me a copy of manual on how to dream better. And also some sleeping pills.)

13419091

Erratic. Eccentric.

Feeling strange.

Deviating from the norm.

.........

.........

.........

I don't know.

I'm So Sorry...

Untitled 3

Taken from somewhere...

"A real man doesn't use his fists or strength to define his self as such.
A real man is not afraid to cry and show emotion.
And yes, he does not degrade a woman physically, mentally or emotionally.
He stands up for her."

Mimpi Itu

Mimpi itu
datang bertandang lagi
bersilih ganti tanpa jemu
disaat aku terlena
disaat aku terleka
mempermainkan mindaku
di luar batasan dan kawalan
aku hilang dan hanyut
dibawa bayu dan gelora fantasi.

Mimpi itu
seolah-olah memberikanku
gambaran realiti mendatang
realiti indah yang kuharapkan
kebahagiaan hidup yang kuinginkan
atau juga hanya
sekadar harapan palsu
yang menyakitkan.

Mimpi itu
membangkitkanku, menyedarkanku
betapa kerdilnya diriku ini
betapa hinanya hambaMu ini
yang lemah dan tidak mampu
yang hanya dapat mencuba dan berharap
Kerana sesungguhnya
hanya kepadaMu aku berserah.

Tuhanku, kuatkan dan tabahkan hati hambaMu ini.
Aku redha dengan ketentuanMu.

Hi. Nice to meet you;)

Hi again..

This is me..

As always..

Doing nothing..

Going nowhere..

Nothing to write..

Nothing to post..

Nothing to tell..

Nothing to share..

No, nothing..

I'm sorry..

This time..

I just don't know..

But it's okay..

I'm listening..

I'm staying..

I'm going nowhere..

I'm here..

ALWAYS..

Kemahuan

Kadang-kadang kalau kita mahukan sesuatu tu..Kita nak sangat-sangat..Sampai kita dah tak fikir jauh dah..Sampai tak menilai sejauh manakah kerasionalan kemahuan kita tu..Apa yang kita tahu pada waktu tu, kita hanya mahukan apa yang kita hajati tu je..Biarla apa nak jadi pun lepas tu..Biarla apa orang nak kata pun..Kita dah tak fikir dah akibat di kemudian hari..Kemahuan mengatasi segala-galanya..

Sangat naif kan..? Tapi kan, kita tak selalunya dapat apa yang kita mahu, kita hanya dapat apa yang kita perlu..Huhu:(

Falling

This time...

I want to fall slowly...

...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...

and painlessly...

Can I..???

(Kalau faham sila muntah sekarang..Haha;)

I Don't Know

I'm officially in a state of confusion...

Unspoken.
Untold.
Unexpressed.

That's all. Thank you very much.

Ramadhan 1431

Salam,

Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan Al-Mubarak...

Semoga Ramadhan kali ini membawa perubahan yang lebih baik untuk kita semua...^^

Moga-moga dipermudahkan-Nya, Insya-Allah...

Untitled 2

Now here they are
Collecting thoughts
Reminiscing strengths
In the middle of the forest
Trapped in creepy greens

Waiting for the unknown battles
Their throat begging for a sip
Of pure cool stream
To calm and revive
Perpetually alive

Their minds physically wary
For the presence of the unknown
For the invisible advent
Of soulless silhouettes
Of evil immortals

Years of youths
Fear of nothing
Ready for everything
Facing the unprecedented
Eerie obscure moments

For glory they came
For glory they shall get
Win or lose
They shall live
Forever in myth

Test For Red Colour (2007)

Test for red colour.

Is it ok?

Dunno.

What should we do now?

Emm...

What?

Emm..I don't have any idea.

So? Oh, come on...


Reddish colour of pure wheat pouring into my cold lap
The maggots are dying creepily in the water of the East
To the orbs of the winter nights
To the steel of the Beast
Shall we confess?

Blood upon my tourniquet
Cool fog gushing through my throat
Cutting my windpipe, yours too

We are bleeding, nothing
Like a staircase in the castle
Melon of the doom

..................................

Benda mengarut ni saya tulis dan print 3 tahun yang lepas. Masa nak try kartrij dakwat printer. Jangan tanya saya apa maksudnya.

Another Gratifying Moments

"Hundreds of Casuarina trees along an eight kilometer stretch of beach are always a sight to behold, apart from the beach itself. I never failed to get impressed with the scenery. I always enjoy it. Whenever I had the chance, I had always go there. In dreams and reality.

And now, I am waiting for a train to come, and take me to an eternal destination. For now, it is not real. Not really. But undoubtedly becoming very real soon. And of course I am not ready for all of this. Sadly, I never get to know much details about this. It keeps linger in my mind. Like a parasite in a host. Like an idea within a mind. I never expect this to become so attached to me. I can't keep it out. It is there. It is inside me. And I am not really sure whether I should enjoy this moment or regret it. Maybe I should enjoy it. I will surely miss the past."

Live life to the fullest as you can. Enjoy with your loved ones.

Untitled I

"There are songs that make us want to dance, songs that make us want to sing along, but the best songs are the ones that bring you back to the moment you first heard them and once again break your heart."

Perangkap

Terjatuh ke dalam perangkap sendiri adalah lebih menakutkan dari terjatuh ke dalam perangkap orang lain.

Berterus-terusan menyalahkan diri sendiri atas kecuaian diri kerana terperangkap.

Sekarang sudah terlambat.

Perangkap telah dibuat.

Dan yang paling menakutkan, saya telah lupa di mana saya letakkan perangkap itu.

Jadi, berhati-hati adalah perkara terbaik buat masa ini.

An Untold Story

I have a story to tell you. A short story.
Here it goes...

I was in the living room. Kept on searching for the right channel on the television to enjoy. It was already midnight or early morning should I say. Yes, about 2 am. As usual, all were asleep. And I was there alone for a while. Hitting some tasteless and soulless music on my iTunes. Still looking for a right programme on the TV. Oh, I forgot to mention you that it was raining outside. Hmm, raining is good. Especially at this particular time. Makes you want to go to bed earlier on this cold night. That was what I thought.

It is not unusual for me to go outside before sleep. Wasting time on the balcony. Watching the cats dream. Observing the starry sky. Letting the night wind from the sea touches my cold face and etc. So that night I had a peek from the window before going outside, as usual. Then, I saw something. On the road in front of my house.

It didn't move. No, it was not an animal or a living thing at all. It just didn't look like one. I didn't know what it was. I didn't feel scared or whatsoever. Just curiosity rushing in. I didn't want to believe what I just saw. I want to have a closer look at it. This thing seemed real. More than just real.

I really hoped some road users to pass by and see what will happen. I waited.
That thing just stayed in the rain. Doing nothing. I wanted to go closer. But I didn't want to harm myself if that thing was an alien spaceship. Being abducted was not worth it. Seriously I did think of a spaceship on that time because no other thing really suited the object that I saw just now.

Then I heard a motorcycle nearby coming. Do come here please. This is crucial. Before somebody get harmed or abducted, please make this spaceship or whatever the thing is go away. I waited patiently for a moment.

Thank God, the motorcycle came nearer and nearer. I just wanted to know the reactions from both sides. Surprisingly, the motorcycle came and just passed by in front of my house, as if nothing was there on the road. As if that thing didn't exist there.

To my horror, that thing flew away to the roadside as the motorcycle passed by. What was it? Was it a spaceship? A ghost perhaps?

No it wasn't.
It was just an opened umbrella.
And I went inside feeling stupid of being fooled by an umbrella.

Inception (2010)

"What's the most resilient parasite? An idea. A single idea from the human mind can build cities. An idea can transform the world and rewrite all the rules..."

-Inception (2010)

Detention I

The new addiction is unexpectedly tiring.

Costs me a 200 push-ups.

As a punishment for making bad mistakes.

Kalau hari-hari macam ni, mau cramp bahu aku.

Hi

Just want to say hi^^

Off for now~

Peringatan Yang Entah Keberapa Kali

Ada betulnya orang kata gagal merancang adalah merancang untuk gagal.
Aku sedang merasainya.
Aku tak tahu la bila perasaan ni akan hilang.
Takut. Bimbang. Risau.
Bercampur aduk.
Gelisah dibuatnya.

Silap aku jugak semua ni.
Mungkin ni adalah ujian dari-Nya.
Supaya aku sedar yang aku ni dah jauh terpesong.
Dari apa yang sepatutnya menjadi tanggungjawab aku.

Nasib baiklah ada kawan-kawan.
Yang sentiasa bagi semangat dan nasihat.
Terima kasih semua.
Korang memang terbaik.

Peringatan II

Lebih baik menyesal dan berubah sebelum terlambat.
Kalau menyesal tapi tak berubah pun takde maknanya.

Walaupun bagi aku bukan senang nak berubah.
Tapi tak mustahil.

Paling kurang pun untuk setahun lagi.
Dengan konsisten, tanpa gagal.

Moga-moga segala urusan selepas ini dipermudahkan-Nya...

Reflections

I try to react normal and be sane. Like nothing irritating and annoying happen. Like everything is fine.

I know it is not going to be easy. But I'll try to get through it.

Panggilan Laut China Selatan

Tiba-tiba rasa nak beli kapal layar la pulak...
Macam best je kalau ada sebuah.
Rumah aku dah la dekat dengan pantai.
Jadi tak mustahil sangat la kalau nak berlayar dengan kapal layar sendiri.
Hujung minggu boleh buat trip pergi Pulau Tenggol.
Pergi dengan family atau ajak geng.
Haha..Pulau belakang rumah pun jadi la.

Aku ingatkan macam mahal sangat kos dia mula-mula.
Check kat Internet terus ada model yang aku berkenan.
Ada enjin dan juga layar.
Nak adventure sikit pakai layar. Jimat minyak.
Kelajuan bergantung kepada angin.
Aku berminat kat kapal layar ni - MacGregor 26

Tapi duit takde lagi.
Apatah lagi masa untuk layan minat yang baru bercambah ni.
Dan banyak lagi benda yang aku nak buat tapi tak kesampaian lagi setakat ni.

Some random thoughts

Reclaiming those memories
brings us to the past
of what we've thought
of what we've done
it's just a simple little effort
that calms the heavy grey clouds in us
those clouds that make us smile
and sometimes soak our hearts
remembering our past
bringing back those memories
of both bitter and sweet
of both evil and good

A time traveller
sailing to the sea of the past
reminiscing, recollecting
every lost piece of the forgotten
that floats freely in his way
for the good of the next
from here to eternity.

Aku suka sajak ini

Puisi ini dipetik dari ruangan Sastera Budaya dalam akhbar Mingguan Malaysia yang bertarikh 27 Disember 2009.

AROMA

Ketika kau melalui lorong ini
kau akan tercium aroma yang
tak mungkin dapat kau lupakan
ia bukan aroma bunga-bunga
yang selalu kau petik untuk
menjadi dandan sanggulmu
bukan juga aroma adunan
kuih yang dibakar di dapur
ibumu; berbau manis rangup
bukan juga aroma yang melekat
di cawan tehmu ketika kau hirup
lazatnya rasa daun teh yang harum
dan tentunya bukan aroma
dari wewangian tubuhmu
yang menggoda setiap kekasih
untuk menyatakan cinta kasih
yang sentiasa merekah seperti delima
ia aroma manis yang adakalanya
kita cium dari kubur-kubur
yang berbau kemboja
malaikat-malaikat yang berbau syurga
kemenyan talkin di batu-batu nisan
kau tentunya mengatakan ia aroma kuburan
tetapi aku mengatakan ia aroma cinta
lewat lorong sunyi yang tidak kita kenal
ia aroma yang mengiringi
perjalanan kita
di pasir batu laut dan lumpur
kau mengatakan ia aroma selut
tetapi aku tetap mengatakannya
aroma cinta; yang manis di kuburan kita.

S.M. Zakir
Bukit Jalil, Kuala Lumpur.

Peringatan

Dah lama tak update blog.
Tak tahu la kenapa.
Mungkin start tulis diari la pulak lepas ni.
Lama tak tulis diari.
Last time tulis masa 2006-2008.
2009 tak ada diari.

...........................................................

Sekarang dah 2010.
Rasa sekejap betul 2009.
Apa-apa pun, harap yang terbaik untuk 2010.
Untuk kita semua.
Insya-Allah...